Journal 2

Thank you for your prayers. This week I am taking my new med everyday. It seems to cause nausea about 3:00 in the afternoon, but so far I am eating and drinking fine. So far, though, there is no improvement in my symptoms. In fact, last night I had one of the worst nights I've had in a quite a while and the symptoms are hanging on today. Yesterday I started having body temp regulation problems, sweats, and adrenaline surges. This makes it very difficult to sleep and causes headaches.

I am at a pretty difficult fatigue stage, but not my worst. I have still kept up my swimming, though it wipes me out and I find it difficult to keep at it when it just makes me worse. Unlike a normal person, there doesn't seem to be any improvement in stamina. I do sense some strengthening in my legs though - so at least I am keeping the muscles stronger and healthier.

You might notice the changes I've made in my website. I've been experimenting with Photoshop - which Bill got me for my birthday - so I've made some of my own graphics. I've also added medical bracelets on my Art Gallery. I've also been doing a little bit of painting so I will be posting some new pictures soon.

Emotionally, I am holding up - but very tired of being sick. I actually do better on cloudy rainy days, then I do with sunny days because then I want to get out and do things. I seem to go through cycles - Frustrated, Sad, Reminded of God's goodness, peaceful and then slowly move back into Frustrated. I think... I hope I am learning new things with each cycle. This time, God has reminded me that the things I want are earthly fulfillment and the things I am really longing for will be fulfilled in my eternity with Him. Right now, he has given me a chance to know Him in new and unique ways and that's what I am to focus on. I seem to need to be reminded of this often, but when I work at it, knowing Jesus is more fulfilling than anything else I have ever experienced!

You can continue to pray for me : 1) that God would limit the side effect from the new med 2) that we would see clearly how it affects me 3) that I would seek God and meet Him in new ways 4) that I would hand my discouragement and disappointments to God and know His peace.

Thank you, I appreciate you all!

Wow, I can't beleive it's been a whole week since I've posted an update. I am not having much nausea from the medication anymore. But I still don't see any improvement in symptoms. I feel plain old lousy!

I'm begining to think that there may not be anything that helps with my symptoms. That's very discouraging. You can pray again for PAITIENT ENDURANCE!!

My kids are doing great though. Chris asked me what would be different in his life if I was suddenly healed. As we talked, he let me know he was really content with how things were now, except he'd like me to feel better because he loves me. Ellen has told me she really enjoys taking care of me and driving me places. We have such an open and close relationship. Marie and I meet every Sunday morning for tea and we really enjoy talking about life and theology. I am very thankful for these things, because health can take a toll on relationships.

Thank you for your prayers. I hope you enjoy your Easter week and celebrating the great gift God offers to us all.

I awoke this morning at 5:00 am with a bad headache. As I laid in bed, seeing the sky getting lighter, I had a sudden thought... "He's Alive!" I thought about the women who, early sunday morning, went to Jesus' grave to care for his dead body. I thought about the earthquake under their feet. I listened to the early morning birds and I thought again, "He's Alive!". I imagined how their heads must have throbbed from crying and how they might have thought their eyes were deceiving them when they saw Jesus standing there.

What suffering Jesus endured. But his suffering ended in great joy and now he is alive. So too will my suffering end in great joy. I praise God for loving me and for staying with me through the hard times.

I didn't make it to Easter service today, but I have celebrated and will continue to celebrate until Jesus returns.

Happy Easter to all and may you all know the love of God as I have experienced His love!

Just a quick update: For the past week I've been really struggling with low BP especially upon standing. I can only stand for about 3 min. Please pray for improvement in this and for patient endurance until it passes. Kathy is arranging meals for us this week since I'm unable to stand up long enough to cook. Thanks in advance to all of you for your prayers and to those who prepare food for us. Please be sure to read the entry below because, even though I'm struggling, I did have a joyous Easter!

It's been a while since I posted an update. Haven't been feeling very good. I am now weaning back off our last medication attempt. You can pray that this isn't too difficult and you can pray for our decisions concerning what to do next. I appreciate all of your emails and support. Especially meaningful to me are the emails that tell me about your every day lives as I am so isolated. I have done some painting in the past few weeks so I hope you'll take a look at my gallery and see some of my new work!

Doing well with eating again. I'm almost done weaning off the last medication trial. Please pray for our decisions. We are reconsidering Vanderbilt University, but also seeing a Neurologist in a couple weeks because of weakness and vertigo. We've also been told to consider a very expensive and painful injection therapy by the doctor we saw in Ohio. We really need God to show us if any of these directions is right in His eyes. Thank you for your prayers!

I finally made it to church this weekend! Hurray - how nice to hear Bob in real life instead of on tape! It completely wore me out, but that's all right. I had a joyous time of worship with three little kids behind me singing at the top of their lungs - at least when they could find a word they could read or we sang a chorus they knew. Very fun to listen to.

Still need your prayers for decisions. Just like Bob preached tonight, we want to do this God's way. So pray for us to follow his plan and his way of living - even if he doesn't heal me and tell me to pick up my bet (but then, I don't think I could lift the bed even if I wasn't sick! :-)... ahhhh, my brain's done working today. But thank you all for your prayers!

Help! Can someone through me a rope down here...... yep - back into the POTS hole. I had a great day last Wed, a pretty good day thurs, an OK day Friday, a slipping day Sat - but made it to church, not so great sunday and then whamo.....I fell. I feel awful. I wobble around when I walk, can hardly stand up, feel dizzy all time (who needs to pay for carnival rides - they are around me all the time! LOL) I've done pretty well with not falling into despair this time, though a little challenging by the end of yesterday. Just pray that I hold tight to God and his ways and look for all the good he is doing. Please also continue to pray for our decisions.

I was talking to a friend the other day about grieving and how we all go through it in diffent ways. Some of us don't want to grieve and so we hold it in and we become closed up and refuse to relate to other people. Others, grieve without trusting God and those people become bitter over their trials. Other people grieve, but continue to hold onto their trust in God's goodness and plans. Those people hurt and cry sometimes and can really struggle. But in the end, those are the people that come out on the other end with peace and joy in the midst of grief and trials.

I know many of you pray for my healing and please keep asking God for that. But I also know that God answers your prayers in many different ways. In the midst of my losses I have found new joys. I have peace even in the midst of tears. I trust God so completely and love him so dearly even though it appears that he has taken away everything I used to love. These are all answers to YOUR prayers. God hears you and I benefit. Thank you so much and please keep praying for me.

Pray to for Bill and I to continue to learn how to "have fun" together - we've always been very good at that, but this illness has sure thrown us a challenge! Thank you all my faithful friends and prayers!